Day 138: Waiting for the world to end before I can have purpose forgiveness statements

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts such as, “when he / she is no longer around, I will be able to do things differently”, thus through my desire, accepting and allowing myself to postpone my actions due to acceptances and allowances that I am unable to act while this person is still alive, and through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of hoping that the ‘world’ would end, as I believe that I can see how to give direction when the current status quo is disrupted by the calamity that has befallen us and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand the consequential outflows of my desires of waiting for a calamity to occur before I am able to act directively within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to be trained as a ‘reactive’ program where I would only respond to events that happen directly to me or directly to people that I know, as I believe within and as myself that these ‘reasons’ will then justify my actions to ‘react’ to the situation appropriately and through this I forgive myself that I had created an idea within and as myself that if I were to ‘react’ before these ‘terrible events’ happened to me personally, I would be dubbed as a radicalist which according to my programming within and as myself is seen within a negative light while having an event happen to me directly or directly to someone I know is labelled as a ‘justified response pattern’ and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that ‘reacting’ to an negative event that has already occurred means that we had already as humanity accepted and allowed ourselves to manifest these patterns through our participation and acceptance of the system as it is today.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to hide within my comfortable existence that I had the privilege to be born into or had the opportunity presented to myself where I was able to create the wealth required that could shield me from what happens to the marginalised people of the world system and through this I forgive myself that through my complete acceptance of my bubble reality I had accepted and allowed myself to stand obliviously to what happens to the marginalised people of the world system and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that I am tacitly accepting and allowing the world system to remain as it is through my participation and acceptance of the system as it exists today.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to stand back and wait and wait and wait for an ‘event’ to occur that would disrupt the current system, where I would feel like I would then have a purpose, my purpose would then be to rescue the weaker ones, because within and as myself I see myself as the strong one and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that I am in fact the weaker one as I still require an event as a calamity to occur before I am able to generate the emotional body that is required for me move myself and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand to truly stand as the strong one – I have to within and as myself move myself within and as breath and give direction to the smallest of points that I see, as I know see, realise and understand that it is within the small points which we participate within and as which spiral into the larger points that we then accept and allow to manifest.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to be born into a system that does not support life, but instead stands in competition to others, separating ourselves from one another where we have to fight for our survival and through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on this system where I see within and as myself that it is impossible to just stop participating within the system, as stopping my participation would then again separate myself from what we have already accepted and allowed ourselves to create, which I see, realise and understand is not effective in being able to change the system as the system is only created as an externalised expression of what we as humanity have already accepted and allowed ourselves to become.