In a world where ‘relationships’ form the basis of our existence it is peculiar to see how little of ‘relationships’ we actually understand.
Relationships in the first context is used as a very broad term where once there is a connection between 2 points we are able to determine that there is some form of ‘relationship’ within the connection.
Relationships in the second context refers to relationships between people and here again we are able to refer to relationships between people as just a connection between 2 people or a relationship that is based on a more intimate level which could or could not include a sexual relationship.
When we form a connection to another person it more than often happens that we would want to form a closer intimate relationship with them as we feel drawn to that other person – much like atoms draw close to one another depending on the covalent bond ‘relationship’ that is formed.
What we do not always see and realize is that we see in that other person a part of ourselves that we would like to develop / explore / express which when in the other persons presence we feel that we have access to be able to express this part of ourselves. This other person therefore opens up this expression into our worlds and as we get a taste of this self expression when in the presence of this other person we become attached and do not want to let go – But it is in fact our own expression that we are now able to express within ourselves that we do not want to let go of. (An example of this to follow later on in the blog)
When we look at the gift of what ‘relationships’ are able to offer each and everyone one of us – where we learn / grow and develop through the ‘relationships’ that we form with the people in our lives it is easy to see why our species is a social by nature, as it is within our social environments by socializing (and thus obviously communicating) with others that we develop ourselves and grow within ourselves.
Our world though consists of another layer of relationships – the relationships that we have formed in the physical reality as ‘promises’ to other people. These relationships, called marriages, is where we promise to another person to commit ourselves and our lives to this person which filters into a reality of where we create families and even in families there are ‘relationships’ built and created that keep us nested in our social structure within our world. These relationships are clear decisions that we have made in our worlds where we have committed ourselves to another and unless these decisions are changed within ourselves – They remain the foundation from which we will create our realities in the physical world – thus creating our family environment and our social environment.
But what happens when we form a ‘relationship’ / ‘a connection’ with another person which threatens the relationships as promises on the physical reality? We see this all the time with affairs happening or family members dating people from another culture, another race, another class. These ‘relationships’ that are formed between 2 people that do not meet the social criteria of our society are seen as taboo relationships and with good measure – because they do create conflict, they do create problems, they do create consequences that not only do the 2 people that get involved in this relationship has to deal with but also all the people within their social structure has to deal with the outflow of what this relationship will bring. For instance – The person you are having an affair with you will not bring home to meet your children.
What is though not understood and thus misinterpreted within a ‘connection’ with another being is that this ‘connection’ does not have to spill over into a relationship that threatens the physical relationships that are already formed. Many people in marriages that have walked a long path together have found themselves within this predicament where a third person comes along and ‘rubs them the right way’, immediately creating a ‘connection’ and because these relationships as ‘connections’ are misunderstood – The flirting starts and from the flirting a more communicative intimate relationship starts to develop and from this point forward the 2 people whom have formed this connection with the purest of intentions start to day dream about one another, creating alternate realities within their minds of being with the other person, creating a life with the person, sexual fantasies play out in the mind, not being able to stop, not being able to sleep properly, not being able to have a moment within the day where the thoughts do not travel to the other person. And we call this being infatuated or being in love – lol – But it is not. It is merely self expression seeking to be expressed.
So - With enough focus and attention given to the thoughts in our minds, the alternative life that we have created in our minds with this other person - the energy within ourselves becomes an unbearable desire to be with the other person, we try to contain ourselves, but end up using the words "I could not help myself" or "It just happened" - But it did not 'just happen' - The point is created over time in our minds by the attention that we had given to this alternate reality, by the thoughts that we allowed of the other person within ourselves. We create these points - we ARE the creators of our realities.
From the person's perspective that is entering into an affair - the inner conflict comes from experiencing a connection that is immediately interpreted through the eyes of a relationship instead of exploring the gift of self expression that exists within the connection.
So what do we do when we find ourselves creating 'connections' with people where these connections will be seen as 'taboo relationships' in our reality? As I mentioned before a 'connection' relationship does not necessarily have to become a physical relationship. A 'connection' relationship needs to be seen for what it is: "Self expression seeking to express itself"
So - what is 'self expression'?
Every word within our vocabulary is a word of self expression. It is a sound that is contained in a word that is able to be expressed as a living expression of who we are through us accepting and allowing ourselves to firstly define these words within ourselves and then to become the living expression of this word… for us to express / live this word.
When a 'connection' is formed with another it is a key of self expression that opens up within ourselves where we had not yet allowed ourselves to explore this specific expression as a living expression within ourselves and through this connection with another this expression steps forward.
It is thus not the relationship per se that we are attached to, but it is in fact the part of ourselves that we have not yet allowed ourselves to express that in the presence of this other person has opened up. When we misinterpret this 'connection' we tend to lean towards an affair or forming a relationship with this person as it is the self expression within ourselves that we are attempting to cultivate, it is this self expression that we are 'after', it is this self expression that we come back for more for. To clarify the word 'misinterpretation' … Within our world we will have constructs of what constitutes a friendship or what constitutes a relationship and this is largely dependent on how our social environment molded us. So for instance if we see 2 females as only being able to be friends; when this 'connection' occurs between 2 woman we will draw ourselves closer to this person by for instance becoming best friends and the same goes for a sexual relationship .. If we see that a relationship between a man and a woman can only be a 'sexual relationship' this 'connection' will be interpreted to mean to ourselves that we have to create a sexual relationship with this person. 'How' we interpret this 'connection' is thus largely dependent on 'how' we have constructed our perception of reality and how relationship constructs are designed within ourselves.
Within a recent connection that I formed that would be construed as a 'taboo relationship' within my physical environment if we were to create a physical sexual relationship, I experienced exactly this, where the expression within me was building … yet unable to be expressed sexually, which made me investigate this expression in more detail. I found that there was a build up of pressure within myself through the self suppression that I was facing as I knew that I could not express what I felt sexually, due to decisions that created our individual lives. This suppression and build up I found to be an unacceptable state to leave myself within as one feels powerless in the presence of self expression stepping forward while all the containment walls are barely holding the expression in.
Through walking this process I realized that I have to accept this expression as myself as it is 'me'. Although this self expression only opened up within the connection that I experienced with another, I realized that through accepting this gift from another I am able to accept this expression within myself.
So … while in this emotional turmoil of energies creating a storm inside myself I allowed myself to stand still and calm the water and firstly accept these 'gifts' that stood before me. The first gift that opened up was 'vulnerability' and as I opened this word within myself I could feel the pressure releasing within me, what followed this was 'seeing myself' vulnerable before others where I would once want to 'hide' myself I stood open in sharing my life. The second gift that showed itself was contained in a treasure chest and I first had a struggle to look inside, but again I realized that I have to accept this gift as myself and become the treasure chest firstly which when doing so the chest morphed into every aspect of my physical body, I walked into the depths of myself to find a stone wall at the inner core and as I stood there the stone wall started to dissipate leaving a softness inside myself and after looking at what this signature represented I found the word 'gentleness' there.
Thus far I have found these 2 gifts, namely vulnerability and gentleness within the 'taboo relationship' that I have formed. These 2 words are seeking expression within myself and although accepting these gifts, I realize that this is only the first step as I now have to develop these words within myself where I allow myself to express these expressions as living expressions of who I am. So only time will tell as I explore these expressions of myself in the physical.
How to take the gift given by another and live it as an expression of oneself?
I have found this to be challenging at this stage because when I am with the person with whom I have formed this 'connection' with I automatically just 'become' this expression. Whereas when I am not with this person I can feel this expression building within myself. This expression has now become 'alive' within me and is seeking to be expressed, yet when in the presence of others I have not yet 'found' a way of 'how to' express these gifts.
What I found interesting is that I started to have an antagonistic sharp energy towards the person that I had formed this 'connection' with… Almost like I am 'blaming them' that I am not able to express this expression within myself as with the mind interpreting this expression as only being able to be expressed sexually … The mind then again interpreting that 'not being able to express this expression' ... Must be all their fault … lol… So while having a look at this self expression being born within self … there is a gratefulness that one has to embrace that this person was able to show to oneself that this expression exists within self, but it is then up to oneself to embrace this gift, take responsibility for this gift and make it one's own.
Driving in the car today I found that there was a build up within myself again of this expression seeking to express itself so within investigating my participation within the day I found that my thoughts did go to the person whom I created this connection with but within those thoughts there was a 'desire to share my experience / process with them'. So with investigating this I saw that there was again this vulnerability stepping forward where I am able to 'share' my life with another, which when taking this expression and opening it up within myself to stand clear within vulnerability as an expression of who I am… writing out my process and sharing it with those in my environment is a first step of accepting the gift of vulnerability and allowing myself to express this expression with the people in my environment.
So … This is where I am standing at this moment in time where I am investigating the expression of vulnerability and gentleness within myself and how to express these expressions as myself whether I am in the company of this person or whether I am in a different company altogether.